Thursday, June 27, 2019

Keeping people in the condominium storage locker

Human Resources says the sign in the elevator lobby.  Turn left, and you are there.  Me, I am the manager.  The job is a front.  My boss, the owner, likes it that way.  Staff come to me to complain, I listen.  I do nothing, and I do nothing well.  The chronic office farter is nothing;  the insatiable refrigerator bandit is nothing; the toilet paper origami fetishist is nothing.  But sometimes, doing nothing is not enough to do.  Those times, the trouble makers get disappeared and sent to the owner's condominium, third parking level down, where the storage locker lock up has been converted into a dungeon.

Horoscope for the Week of June 30, 2019

In the Heavens this week:

Aries: Pursue an aggressive policy of doing nothing this week, Aries.  You will get the most done this way.  Higher forces will manifest to sweep away the problems that vex you.  It will be very satisfying.

Taurus: Trouble and temptation strike in pairs.  You are well advised to abandon your futile attempts to separate the thing you want from the thing that stops you.  Thursday, everything changes.  You will have a four hour window of accomplishment.

Gemini: Everyone is paying attention to you this week.  Your audience hopes that your cogent analysis and discerning directions win the argument, but they really live in fear of what The War God is actually going to do next week.

Cancer: A problem goes away Tuesday.  An invitation to a party on Wednesday turns into an invitation to a weekend of debauchery.  Melt the winter from your bones with the heat of passion, and do it this week.  Domestic chores will be done by a silent leather hooded figure.

Leo: Your audience awaits, but the stage hands are hungover and have shaky hands from that cheap weed from Etobicoke.  Things improve on Tuesday, but you will be unable to quit smoking let alone get rid of that annoying rasp in your throat.  The weekend orgy starts on Friday, around lunch.

Virgo: Your good suggestions go straight into the ears of The War God.  Expect the standard guild rates on commission.  Early Saturday comes the first hint that you should strip off your clothes and run around naked.

Libra: Your dutiful volunteer work pays off when the old codger with dementia tells you where the money is hidden.  Share your hip flask of brandy with a benefactor.

Scorpio: Crazed primates inhabiting human bodies make your public life experience a war zone on Monday.  Dangers lurk on the road, in the shopping mall, and in any place where baked goods are sold.  Tuesday, you will awake with Monday being but a fading memory.

Sagittarius: People want you to tell them what to do.  Then they can grumble about it, disagree, complain, and return to doing nothing.  Surrender yourself to adventure and you will find yourself at the threshold of a summer long orgy.

Capricorn: Everything is going according to plan.  Hide your glee, lest your minions slack from their toil.  A long running illusion is in need of landscaping maintenance.  Your quick attentions will lead to temporary relief, but you should be visualizing how to profit and prepare from the inevitable.

Aquarius: Your knowledge of the condominium market will prove profitable this week.  This will translate into a future relationship based on respect.  Do not take the lid off the ant farm, even if you do get a better view.

Pisces: Someone, in the course of a relationship dispute, has dumped several interesting but non native species of fish into a body of water that you are tempted to go swimming in.  Better for you to be the person doing the heroic rescuing, than the half eaten decomposing body.