Saturday, December 31, 2011

Living in a country that lacks the certainty that comes with a state religion, I am sure you are following the useless tradition of New Years Resolutions. Do they work? The road to the future is littered with the rotting corpses of failed New Years Resolutions. Why participate in failure? Are you a stupid primate, throwing poo at the hungry leopard? Maybe it is time for you to evolve into a winner, someone who gets what he wants, obtains the choicest rewards, and dominates his world. This New Years, put some high alloy steel into your resolution by inviting Set, the Snake God into the picture.

What is the root cause of the failure of New Years Resolutions? Endless fat people going on diets, smokers renouncing weed, and wife beaters relaxing their fists. Ha. You are right to laugh at this parade of incompetence. The lard engine fatties like eating tubs of sugar frosting; the tobacco addict is more hooked than a crack whore; and wife beaters like beating the wife. This is not going to change; these people are just lying to society, because they are too weak to change; because society wants them to be fat, to smoke, to create justification for socialist social services sector agencies. But you are smart; you are smarter than them. Let me appeal to your superior reasoning: since making I am going to change resolutions usually doesn't work, then a change of formula is called for. It costs nothing, what do you have to lose?

It is the I statement that causes people to fail. Instead, bring the full power of the world's falsest religion to bear upon your problems: invite Set, the Snake God to the victory banquet. This year, instead of the failures that society wishes you to make, make victory. Write your desires on pieces of paper. Do not use I statements (I want to lose weight; I want to quit smoking: I want to quit beating my wife), instead use action statements (Lose Weight! End Smoking! Obedient Wife!) Write them down, then add them to a burnt offering. Raise up an altar on your bar-b-que: as you roast the meat burn your message to Set, the Snake God.

Let Set, the Snake God handle your problems for you. The Emerald Eyed one eats problems for breakfast! Your problems are small potatoes to the Great Snake that circles the world. Set, the Snake God works fast, effectively, and utterly. You can give him a small problem, as a test. Why should you believe me, Fenris Badwulf? And after you are satisfied (like after a good meal!), you can make more burnt offerings to Set, the Snake God, for more requests, desires, and lusts you wish slaked. There is no 'moral code' to limit your desires when you communicate with the Great Snake that circles the world, much as there is no barrier between waiter and customer, shopper and clerk, chef and cutlet. But, I advise you, it is better to be customer than clerk, clerk than cutlet.

Do not be filled with fear when results start to happen. It is the fearful sheep that draws the hungry eyes of the wolf pack. If Set, the Snake God is in your home, gobbling down a problem, there is no need to distract him with fear. Just go about your business, losing weight, not smoking, or enjoying the lack of desire to beat the wife. Fear is a spice, that attracts the discerning appetite of the Great Devourer. Save your fear up for rituals in the advanced work of Set, the Snake God. After your resolutions are satisfied, you will become obsessed with knowing more about the falsest religion. After all, if Set, the Snake God is going to help you get what you want, you should be helping the Great Snake, and if that is not possible, you should be helping the Missionaries of Set, the Snake God.* This is only fair and balanced, as sugar and cinnamon are needed in a proper tea biscuit.

Get out your pen and paper, and write down your requests now!

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

No comments:

Post a Comment