Horoscope for the week of Halloween, 2011

Halloween falls in the time of year ruled by Scorpio. For some reason, this festival designed to appease the dead spirits who roam the earth has been turned into a commercial sales event, good for merchants of liquor, lust driven primates of all genders, and crafty flea merchants flogging knick knackery at 800 percent markups. Well, it is Scorpio, after all.

Some teach that those who die with revenge on their minds become ghosts. Their spirits roam the earth, making mischief. The greater the injustice they have endured, the greater their ability to torment the criminal, the cruel, or the casual tyrant who sent them off this mortal coil. However, the principle of Equilibrium kicks in at this, and for some of our ghostly souls, they seek more vengeance than is justified, they blame the wrong person, and they have turned their faces from the light. All religions teach that there is an external agency (of some sort) that rights wrongs; Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. So, by definition, these wandering ghosts have one ectoplasmic foot in the wrong, even as they seek the right. The Druids, in their pagan way, sought to appease their chaotic evil varying by chaotic good effects by way of a festival, which has come down to us as Halloween.

Scorpio is a deadly serious sign. In our present times, with Christianity under prosecution by leftist elites, the doors closed by the Piscean age mystics are now being re-opened. You can dress this up according to your tastes and fashion. The djinn put away by Solomon are being released by virtue of Solomon's faith being reviled, say. Or that the reality map of people who embrace pagan belief includes all aspects of pagan belief, especially the stuff they haven't bothered to learn about. You can get all gushy and mushy about Gaia, but Gaia worship comes with her association with three wars in heaven, the generation of races of monsters, and uprisings of alliances of war gods wielding weapons of supernatural power. Where will you be when Gaia goes to war? Are you one of the monsters, hunted by Jove's thunderbolts? Are you one of the soldiers in the army of Mars, swallowed by the Hydra, burnt by Dragons, or poisoned by snakes? So, how you celebrate Halloween is important. If you do not embrace the resurrected pagan beliefs, then you will be effected by those that do. They will be carried along by the scripts and demands of the collective subconscious. It might be best to stay out of their way. For those that have abandoned the better teachings of the Piscean age, you will find yourself drafted into the tossing storms of the Aquarian. Either way, you should prepare.



Aries: Halloween is a good time for you to satisfy your animal nature. As the festival celebrates the War God, who is your patron, you will enjoy some of the pleasures peculiar to that deity: orgies, clandestine passions, drunken debauchery, and victory in combat. So, be prepared for adventure. Expect conflict of some sort, either as witness or participant.

At midnight on October 31st, visualize who you want to become. The War God is whimsical in his patronage and will grant you your wish, even if it leads to disaster. You can listen to him laugh at your discomfort in Valhalla. Wear the color red upon your person to show respect for your patron, or dress as some war associated entity. The War god is angry enough, best to have him angry at someone else, eh what?

Taurus. There is something vaguely disturbing about Halloween for your sign. Too much eating of the wrong food: there is all that healthy stuff fresh from the garden and people are gobbling down preserved and processed stuff. The young folk are eating two year old chocolate when fresh pumpkin pie sits uneaten. This bothers you. And it should. This carries over into the social aspect of the festival. You will be presented with tired, processed goods. If there is any time of the year that you will catch a sexually transmitted disease, Taurus, it is Halloween. The uninvited stranger who sits in your comfortable chair will have bedbugs. And miscreants will pilfer small items from your home, car, or person if you indulge in drink. Associate with people you can trust, and your costume should reflect vegetable values.

Around midnight on October 31st try to hide from the sight of the stars and the moon. Some witch or warlock wannabe with weeping cold sores will invite you outside. Your long buried enemies walk the earth this night, and they are seeking revenge. Just tell yourself that, and act accordingly. It is not so much that you should check the back seat of your car as you should just not play. At midnight, take yourself to your sanctum and admire your collection of gold.

Gemini: Being of two minds about everything gives you an intellectual agility that is legendary. Regardless, bodyless spirits are looking for a place to inhabit. To wit Gemini: you are a park, and the musty damned are looking for a place to Occupy. Some agent in collusion with the vengeful spirits will lure you with some clever game. Ouiji boards, Crystal Balls, or Tarot cards are favored for this treachery. There will be something amiss about the baited hook: the Ouiji board is homemade, the Crystal ball is made of plastic, and the Tarot deck is missing a card. You can break the spell they cast by punching them in the throat. The rest of the evening is yours to enjoy, Gemini. You will be rewarded with some special pleasures.

As midnight approaches on October 31st: If you are not tied to an altar awaiting exsanguination, then be wary. Somebody wants to sacrifice you, and your peril rises exponentially as the clock ticks towards midnight. Your costume and Halloween persona should reflect that of the grim authorities who suppressed the witch cult, either openly or carry a token or charm of the same secretly about your person. One of those small bibles would do. You may scoff now, secure in your belief in modern science, but watching someone burst into flames when you surprise them with scripture will singe your eyebrows. You deserve some excitement, Gemini

Cancer: Being host and favored guest is fine sport for Halloween, but being cast as chief cleaner upper, and mopper up of vomit is not so good. You suffer all year long already with the pangs of conscious about past misdeeds, real and imagined. The resurrected furies have little interest in you; they want fresh meat. Instead, lose yourself in pleasures of the flesh. You will not hurt your back from thrusting and riding.

At midnight on October 31st: Hold in your mind some aspect of an improved self you wish to obtain. It might be a good idea to formalize this by writing it down, and burning the paper in a casual, impulsive way at the stroke of midnight. Do this alone, or do this in public, it matters not. Your costume should reflect either that to which you aspire, or that which is the opposite of your aspirations. Carry silver upon your person to ward away the evil that lurks on this night.

Leo: Avoid flammable costumes. Someone is going to be burnt alive this Halloween, best to make sure it is not you. Or someone close by. Instead, let the flames be that of passion. If you are approached by a masked dainty, seduce them. If they are loathe to unmask themselves, do not push the issue. You are making merry with a risen spirit. Next year you may have to deal with their vengeful lovers, but this year enjoy the ride.

At midnight on October 31st: Make sure you are in a car or some sort of moving vehicle when the clock strikes twelve. To the extent you are doing this, your earthly life prospects will be reflected. Being in an elevator going down will be horribly bad; going up, astoundingly good. The train is better than the car, the car better than the bicycle. For example, if you are on a sinking ship, you are probably doomed to drowning. Especial warning: if you are on an aircraft coming into land, you could well find yourself possessed by spirits. So, get moving, and in the right direction.

Virgo: Children figure prominently in your Halloween experience. Your own children, from the future, from a parallel universe, that is. Given their trans-temporal status, they will not usually appear in child like form. There will be something that pulls at your guts when you see them, even if they are disguised. Their eyes, their piercing eyes. Given them candy. Eat nothing in return.

On your evening schedule for October 31st: On midnight, corrected for the inaccuracy of time zones, cast your gaze into the heavens and observe the omens. You already have a well ordered concept of what you want, what is gettable, what you need, and what would be nice to have, but really do not think you will get. This night, you can aim beyond effective range. Do so.

Libra: Grubby financial concerns will impose on your Halloween revels. Perhaps the price of having a hated ex-lover bumped off is raised suddenly, or the caterer delivers fare not ticked off on the order form. In the midst of this crisis there will be a star burst of found money. Keep your lips sealed about this happy event. Do not spend any of your found money for 24 hours. This wealth you find is under a charm.

On the night of October 31st: It will be difficult for you to get to the details of an improved you. You struggle with this on a daily basis, and the indecision will choke you. Perhaps a compromise is called for. Accept the fact that this night is the time when all limitations are lifted. Your best you includes being decisive, so embrace the concept of the decisive you, even if the you you are is not.

Scorpio: Even as you move about in the darkness like a creature of darkness you realize that a darker reality is looming over the foolish revelers. This Halloween, visualize that you are a time traveller in the past. Most of the people around you will be dead or transformed into harder versions of themselves soon enough. Wallow in the innocence, even as you scan the marks of doom upon their foreheads.

As soon as darkness falls on October 31st: You are in charge. Let your desires drive your attention, not the other way around; which is to say, cast your attention upon what interests you, not what is presented to you. Turn off the television, and watch the people. Ghosts have assumed human form, can you spot them? They will give you presents which you should treasure, at least until these presents revert back to lead, shells, and feathers.

Sagittarius: The existence of a universe beyond that which is described by science is unsettling to you. The chaotic and the irrational are disturbing, and you will be disturbed by Halloween this year. Look upon it as a learning experience. If a cat can drive away the ghoul, then that is a fact that can be used to start a science, a new science. Some would say an old science rediscovered, but, anyway, the seeds of this will be planted by you this Halloween.

After the sun sets on October 31st: the weirdness starts. You will think you are starring in your own sci-fi movie. From the periphery of your consciousness will come the realization that Newtonian mechanics do not seem to apply. You will see people (disguised) you thought dead. People you don't like appear to be suffering, which is good; and people you thought long gone appear to be around, which is bad. Which tyrant will you see buying a pizza? Have your camera ready.

Capricorn: A small expenditure on ego gratification usually means specialty prostitutes, exotic pharmaceuticals, and Belgian weapons and chocolates. Instead, spend less and get more: throw down some silver and seek out the advice of your local necromancer. Such crisp advice you will receive. You will advance five years on your five year plan when you do. And put two bags of lime in your car, you will need them.

At midnight of October 31st: Do precisely what the Ouiji board (or equivalent) tells you to do. You will not be disappointed. The earth will tremble, thunder will roar, and strange insects will appear, then disappear. The ends justify the means, and if necromancy is called for, well, pencil it into your ledger.

Aquarius: The unsettled spirits of an entire age roam the earth. You represent the new order, they are still grumbling about the old. Their complaints have been addressed, but who will send them to their eternal rest? You, that is who. Busy you will be. Arm yourself with comfortable talismans, and some breath spray for all the screaming you will be doing.

If you notice it is midnight on October 31st: Go refresh yourself with some food and drink. You will have worked up a sweat what with disposing of others mistakes. Your hands will be chafed from grave digging, and undigging.

Pisces: A supernatural being will take a fancy to your body and be the sex tourist; you are the tourist trap. You may be flattered for a while, till you realize you are a fish in a net. Such stamina these supernatural beings have. You will be transported to a parallel realm; some call Elysium, some Valhalla. Try to filch some small memento with you: it will prove to be a powerful amulet after the sun rises the next day. By then, the bite marks and scratches will have healed.

When you think it is midnight on October 31st: it really is not. You have been transported to a different time zone, unknownst to you. It does not matter. Just be yourself.

I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this.