Sunday, April 21, 2013

Horoscope for the week of April 21, 2013

The Age of Aquarius is upon us, eh what? But to complicate things, Neptune transits Pisces; Neptune rules Pisces, and Pisces is the age past. So, we have nostalgia, unfinished business, and the dead issues and problems rising from the grave and going all Zombie. This is the time of collective bad karma, you may have noticed. But it is also one of crisis averted, by heroic action, good experience, and red tape. Your future is written in the stars ... what does the after empire party of the Piscean Age have in store for you this week?

Aries: You will have the opportunity to display your leadership skills when your car gets bogged down in the mud. You will get dirty. Cold water will run down your shirt. Ick.

Taurus: Your garden is full of weeds and debris from the winter. Unleash the cleansing power of flame. The magnitude of your efforts will be reflected in the magnitude of your harvest. Get to work. Wear gloves, somebody likes your hands soft.

Gemini Your clever brain will find the solution to the problems at hand. Punch them in the throat. Avoid crowds as the mob will turn ugly, or, to be more accurate, infectious. Plague is about.

Cancer: Avoid catching the plague this week. The danger has already past, but the effects are still festering. Through a complicated chain of command, you are at the bidding of youth.

Leo: Pay attention to your gardening tasks. Expect to break items of porcelain, but you will be recompensated in full measure later.

Virgo: Something happens Wednesday. It will warp by, fast. You will see, but few others will bother to care. This is when you will realize that people are generally hypnotized and inert.

Libra: An army of destruction is loosed upon your supply of party treats. The inciting incident is on Monday, with fallout for the rest of the week. Old people are involved. Search your sofa: there you will find dentures.

Scorpio: Thursday you attend an orgy. You may be distracted by business, but it is going on, behind one of the many doors. Some doors stand between you and opportunity. Hmmmm. Contemplate this. You will need to be a hero to face some of these creatures.

Sagittarius: Exposing the wrong person to the wrong music will lead to cataclysm. You do not want to start a war, do you? Maybe you do. Maybe your should. Why are you hesitating? Hurry.

Capricorn: The Lord of Darkness is on vacation. He listens to Norwegian Black Metal, drinks hard liquor, and seems content. He will invite you to his table, but you will be drunk anyway. Make an offering to the Snake God.

Aquarius: You find yourself two thousand years ahead of your time. It is kinda funny, if you are into irony. History marches on, backwards.

Pisces: You are in charge. But, what to do? Move the chess pieces across the board, knock a few over.

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