Horoscope for the week of March 31, 2013

Crisis spreads, becomes deeper and wider. Truly, a river overflowing its banks in the night, not with thunder and lightning, but in silence. Those in positions of responsibility seem to be drugged or degenerate or distracted. Such is the effect of a ruling Neptune in Pisces whilst the other powers do their thing. But you have a personal destiny, and it too is written in the stars ...

Aries: You rule. Youth and the distractions of youth surround you. You will be tempted by an affair. In the background, you have discovered some astounding technology and are plotting implementation.

Taurus: Get some loaf'n on the sofa. Get some loaf'n on the chair. The last irritations of the season of cold need to be forgotten. You could do some quality planning and plotting, but your stubborn nature is engaged.

Gemini: Sound Battle Stations! Think submarine, not battleship. The crisis is here, but your vehicle of destruction is one of silence and stealth. So, put yourself in position. Study the crocodile. You will over hear something rather funny. You can never be too cynical about the human libido.

Cancer: You get stuck with the thinking part of the job. Alas, the rest of the gang is the Three Stooges. Simple tools and the beginnings of language seem to be the limitations of these primitives. Ugh. Regardless, you are the law giver.

Leo: You are wonderful. Although the spotlight is on other people, you are the source of light. Warmth and romance swirl around you. You will come into the shocking realization that someone you interacted with last week was a space alien shape shifter.

Virgo: The external world is a distraction, Virgo. You look for rock and find sand. Instead, this week is a champion opportunity for some inner work. You have amazing latent powers in your mind. Do not share these with people: you will frighten them.

Libra: The discrete love affair will not be discrete. Someone will show up on the porn channel, take efforts to make sure it is not you. You could wear a mask. Check your car for cast off underwear, and the sofa too. Have a mask, suitable for wearing during sex, ready.

Scorpio: The prompting of religion complicates your end times struggle for position. The limitations of your authority is found just before the point of rebellion of the ruled.

Sagittarius: Circle Monday on your calendar before it circles you with a ring of nattering peasants. There will be a peasant uprising, and the evil counselor has slotted you for the fall guy. You can weasel your way out of this one, Sagittarius.

Capricorn: In the sunny swamp there lingers a crocodile, floating like a log. That crocodile is you, Capricorn. You can wait for the opportunities to drift by, or you can paddle closer to where they are picnicking on the banks of the river. To get you what you want requires a sudden effort; until then it is all observation whilst waiting in the pleasant warm mud.

Aquarius: It is astounding to live in such times with such advances in technology that can easy human suffering, prolong life, and improve ones station. The implications of these advances will be apparent to you; it is not your responsibility to popularize them, but to demonstrate. Do not disintegrate yourself.

Pisces: You can do some desk top war gaming with the powers under your command. Some would call this arranging your altar, for you wield the powers of a pagan magician this week. You can plan, but the magnetic forces at work will move things around on their own. Be careful playing billiards, as you might well be accused of witchcraft doing this.